just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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