I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
