I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
