Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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