Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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