Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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