Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
