the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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