man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
someone owes me an orgasm
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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