We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
