Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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