Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
