my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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