the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can I color on your dick again?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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