after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
