doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
