why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize