he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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