i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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