You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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