There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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