well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
