My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so let's talk penis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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