Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
