At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
