Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
