Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
