Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
