Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
