I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
