Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
