just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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