We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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