What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
