3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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