I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
