so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
