getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize