the condom got lost in my hair
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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