I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
