i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
