I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
