I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
