Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last time i carry you out of a forest
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
