Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
