And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
