I think I am morally bankrupt
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
