I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize