Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
