Little spoons don't ask big questions
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
