I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
