Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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