how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
