If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
