i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
