I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
