He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
