im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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