All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
