I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
