It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
