I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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