hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
