His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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