He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
