Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
