Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
