once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
