What did we do last night that was yellow?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
