If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Are we still banned from the library?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
