$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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