i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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