I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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