You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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