If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
