...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
