How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
love makes seman taste better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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