We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
